You Can't Love Yourself If You Don't Know Yourself
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I'm just gonna let that sink in.
In order to love someone, you take time to get to know them. Spending time with that person over and over as you get to know their ins and outs, their sense of humor, how they are with others, how it feels to be with them, what it’s like to do activities together, what it’s like to be quiet together, etc...
To feel at ease in your own skin (at a bare minimum) and eventually feel love and appreciation for yourself, you've got to get to know yourself on all of these levels. Literally, build a relationship.
I've always thought of self-care practices as a way to develop a deeper relationship with yourself. Whether you're meditating, practicing yoga, breathwork, receiving a massage, journaling, therapy, etc. All of these practices provide private and intimate time between you and yourself.
For example, getting on your mat to do a yoga practice required you to carve out a specific time in your day (ie. date-night), create a sacred space by turning off notifications, adjust the lighting, close the door so you're not interrupted, and as you practice, you develop a curiosity and compassion with yourself (ie. getting to know all the parts of you as you move, breathe and feel).
Damn, sounds like a fun date!
Now, bring a deep knowledge of your nervous system into the picture, and then you truly have a relationship with yourself. You know what your body is saying to you and what you can do to shift that shit if you need to. You don't have to guess about what it needs or force it to do something that someone else is telling you to do. You know your boundaries and can set them without guilt or shame. You can fully sink into enjoyment and ease without feeling like the next shoe is gonna drop. You're communicating with your nervous system by listening and responding to what you hear. It's kinda like, the dream relationship you've always wanted with clear communication, curiosity, and compassion.
You are the longest relationship you're ever going to have.
To support deepening this relationship with yourself, I'd love to offer you a quick, down and dirty, breakdown of the 3 nerves of the nervous system. Why? Cause we should have learned this in 8th-grade biology class. AND this knowledge will directly affect how you develop your inner intimate relationship.
There are 3 nerves in the nervous system that run from your brain 🧠 stem down your spinal cord. From the spinal cord, bundles of nerves move into all of your organs, tissues, and skin. These bundles correspond to the chakras!!!🤯
The 3 nerves
Sympathetic
Parasympathetic - Dorsal Vagal
Parasympathetic - Ventral Vagal
Let's talk about Ventral Vagal first. This parasympathetic nerve supports resting and digestion. It helps all of your organs to work as they should, digest your food, and allows you to feel grounded, present, playful open to possibilities, and to feel a connection with others. The more you spend time here and marinate in the Somatic Experiences of the ventral vagal complex, the more resilience, health, vitality, and trauma resolution you will feel. The thoughts here are "I can."
Your self-protective system is made up of Dorsal Vagal and Sympathetic:
The sympathetic nerve turns on to mobilize the car. It's the gas pedal. A little bit is great for playing, getting things done in a relaxed way, and getting out of bed in the morning. A high sympathetic charge creates a feeling of irritability, anger, and rage. The thoughts here are "I must do this now".
Dorsal Vagal. This is like the emergency brake of a car. Where there's too much stress-energy in your system, Dorsal Vagal turns on to keep you alive. This creates a shutdown. The shut down could be how you live your everyday life, a little spacey, disconnected, out of body, and foggy. It can also look like procrastination, excessive crying, depression. The thoughts here are "I can't"
There is no good or bad when it comes to the nervous system. Whatever state you're in, your system is always and forever taking care of you, working to keep you alive. So...thanks Nervous System!
However, the stuck stress-energy in our bodies from traumas big and small can affect current experiences creating a feeling of being in the same patterns over and over again, the same addictions, the same relationships, the same emotions, or a small range of emotion, disconnection from the BodyHome as well as a slew of emotional and physical challenges.
Your nervous system learned these patterns in the past to keep you alive.
AND
Your nervous system can learn new patterns now.
I hope this is helpful and I am here to support you in a deeper connection to who you are. I invite you to live into the possibility of a new way of living and being in your own skin.
Reply to this email to schedule a 1 on 1 consult for private work
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With love, courage and regulation
Dorie