Why I can't do what's "good" for me?

Hello Friend

How many times have you tried to take on a new exercise routine, eat healthily, or bought an online course for self/business improvement, and you either never touch it OR you're gung ho for the first day or week and then crickets?

Me too!

I cannot tell you how many courses I spent a ton of money on to grow my business and I couldn't follow through with them.  For me, I've noticed a pattern of starting strong.  I'm really good at that.  I get so excited about the new thing and this gives me a ton of energy to start.  But then, the excitement wanes and I can't figure out how to keep it up. 

What's your pattern?

Do you find that when you try to do things that are “good” for you, something stops you from moving forward?   And it's not your mind.  You "know" if you could just figure out how to be consistent you could really benefit from the class or habit or course.  It's something deeper that seems to be controlling your actions and your focus.

What is controlling it?

It’s your Autonomic Nervous System that sends 80% of the information to your cognitive brain.  Your brain only sends 20% of the information down into your body.  So your ANS is controlling what's in your brain, your emotions, behaviors, and stories/thoughts.    Your nervous system patterns control what you do. 

So, if there's anything about the "good" thing you're trying to do that feels unsafe to your nervous system based on experiences that you've had in the past, new person, new ideas, doing too much, similar body language, expressions, ANYTHING, your nervous system will register that as unsafe.  In other words, your protective responses will turn on and you will find yourself in that same pattern of not moving towards the thing you want, but rather doing anything to avoid it. That’s why you can’t talk yourself into doing the thing. And no one else can either.

Makes sense, right? 

So the question is, how can I change these old patterns.

You can learn to tone those protective responses down so you CAN move forward, you have to show, not tell, your nervous system that it's safe to go there.  Gently, slowly stretching your ability to feel safe with these new "good" things.

If you're ready to feel different in your body and mind, reply now to this email for a 1 on 1 consult for private Somatic Experiencing coaching.  Let's get you moving towards what you truly want in your life.

Rather come to a movement class?

We practice turning on the ventral (safety) nerve before during and after class.

Check out a somatic movement class this week

Monday 6-7 pm CST
Wednesday 9:30-10:30 am CST
Friday 12-1 pm CST
Saturday 10-11:15 am CST

Recordings Available

Register here

Why You Keep Getting Stuck and What To Do About It

There are emotional and mental patterns of not moving forward towards your dreams and goals.  And you know what they are.  You could probably write a dissertation on all of your childhood issues, emotional challenges, generational inherited trauma, and patterns that keep you stuck.

I get it!  I spent years working it out in my head too.  Journaling, therapizing, studying scriptures from different traditions, doing ceremonies, etc.  I could write a book on why I feel the way I feel.  And after all that work, while it was a relief to UNDERSTAND why, it didn't actually help me feel different.

Can you relate to this? 

There's something keeping you in an anxious or stuck place.  And when you watch other people moving forward and going for their dreams, it can feel like you're alone on the sidelines watching them while you standstill.  Inevitably, it's easy to believe that you don't have something these other people have.  That you are somehow inherently flawed, don't deserve what you want and you should just settle for what you do have in your life.

It took a while for me to realize that thinking and talking myself through these limiting beliefs and issues is not changing how I feel and it's not helping me to move forward. The thing that helped me to feel in control and able to take steps towards the scary goals was reshaping my nervous system.

So, let's shift the focus, for a moment, to the lens of your nervous system.  You have 3 nerves that work together in your Autonomic Nervous System that keep you safe from danger. 

Ventral - The thoughts and beliefs are "I can"
Sympathetic  - The thoughts and beliefs are "I must now"
Dorsal - The thoughts and belief are "I can't and I'm all alone"

If there's anything from the past that was unsafe and that resembles the new thing you're trying to do, your protective responses (Sympathetic and Dorsal)  will kick in.  Imagine a little kid who was attacked by a dog.  That little kid’s nervous system is going to be scared to move towards dogs even if the attack happened 30 years ago.  

Your protective responses affect what you think and what you feel.  When you feel tight and scared to move forward with something you want, that is a protective response from your nervous system supporting you in not moving towards what feels scary.  When you start to feel like you're faking it to make it and you don't deserve the success in your business, that’s your protective response keeping you safe from something scary. All of this is controlled by your nervous system.

So, if you've been feeling stuck trying to move towards what you want, your protective responses are in high gear.  This is happening in your autonomic nervous system, your sensory system, not your cognitive brain.  To tone those protective responses down so you CAN move forward, you have to show, not tell, your nervous system that it's safe to go there.  Gently, slowly stretching your ability to feel safe taking steps towards your small and big desires in life.

If you're ready to feel different in your body and mind, reply to this email and schedule a 1 on 1 consult for private Somatic Experiencing sessions.  Let's get you moving towards what you truly want in your life.

Rather come to a movement class?

We practice turning on the ventral nerve before during and after class.

Check out a somatic movement class this week

Monday 6-7 pm CST (Somatic Yoga)
Wednesday 9:30-10:30 am CST (Somatic Bowspring - functional movement)
Friday 12-1 pm CST (Somatic Yoga)
Saturday 10-11:15 am CST (Somatic Yoga)

Recordings Available

Register here

Why Can't I Follow Through on the Things i Really Want?

Have you ever decided that you want to enhance your life with a new job, an online course, a new habit, and something stops you from taking action?  You know this thing will be so good for you and you'll feel better or have more skills.  Your cognitive mind KNOWS this to be true.  It's logical.  It makes sense.

Perhaps you bought the course but can’t get yourself to sit down and do it. Or you got a request for an interview and you can’t bring yourself to schedule it. You committed to doing a new workout and you’re great for the first week and then you can’t stay consistent. You feel like you're a procrastinator, you don't have what it takes, and you can't follow through.

Me too!

I want you to know this also makes so much sense and I can really relate to this. 

Let's look at it from a nervous system perspective. 

One of the main jobs of your nervous system is to keep you alive by looking to see if the situation you're moving into is safe or dangerous.  AND it records safety and danger from every situation that you have.  This is happening below cognition, in your body brain.  Your body brain stores all of this information in a storage facility.

So, let's say in the past you had an experience where you moved towards something new, something that was good for you, and that experience was not safe for some reason.  Perhaps you were made fun of or new people or situations were dangerous in some way.

Fast forward to the NOW experience.  You want to move forward with this new habit or course.  So, your nervous system goes to the storage facility and checks to see, "does anything in this new situation match the danger of an old situation".  If it does match danger, your very reliable smart Autonomic Nervous System will turn on one of its defensive responses to stop you from moving towards the perceived dangerous situation. (typically a freeze or dorsal state)

Now you're in a conundrum because your mind wants to move forward but your body won't let you.  You can't talk yourself into it and the more you try the more frustrated you feel.  Not to mention the shame and guilt of not feeling like you can take action to improve your life.  This can create an inner battle and a very frustrating state of being.

How can we move forward from this pattern?

First, understanding why this is happening is so so important.  One of the ways the nervous system can feel safe and lower its defenses is through context.  When you can't move forward it means that your nervous system is doing an A+ job of taking care of you by keeping you safe from the "perceived threat" of this new thing you want to move towards. 

Second, once you understand that this is your nervous system taking care of you, it turns down the volume on the guilt and shame of the pattern.  When the shame and guilt lower a little bit, you can recognize that your nervous system is in a defensive nervous system state.

Third, knowing your states and how to move from defended into ventral or regulation. Once you recognize what state your nervous system is in you can start to work with it.  Go to your toolbox of regulation tools and begin to use them to slowly come back to regulation.  Tracking your sensory experience the whole time you can gently guide your body into a place of feeling present, awake, and a little safer. 

Fourth, take the next smallest step forward.

When you take a tiny step forward towards the new thing from a place of regulation, you're shifting the pattern from feeling dangerous to feeling safe enough to take that small step.  You can regulate before, during, and after that next tiny step to help your nervous system to FEEL into the new thing in a safe way.  This is how you can start to slowly teach your nervous system new patterns and move towards the things you want in your life. 

Your nervous system learned these old patterns and it can learn new ones.

It's so depressing to want to grow and feel like you can't. 

Let me know how this goes for you

And if you're ready to step into 1 on 1 support, click here to schedule a 30-minute consult to shift from feeling "I can't" into feeling "I can".

OR

Join a Somatic Movement class this week to build some regulation skills and add healthy movement to your life.