They Did the Best They Could and It Could Be Worse

When you're struggling with anger, frustration, hurt, grief, anxiety, etc and you're digging into the feeling of it, it’s common to think or say "they did the best they could" (if you're talking about someone else who hurt you) or "it could be worse"

(as you imagine someone else struggling in this world).  While these statements are true,  they did the best they could AND it can always be worse,  i’s important to recognize the benefit and the downside of focusing your attention here.

The Benefit:

Both of those sentiments are a way that your nervous system protects you from feeling bad.  We don't want to feel hard emotions.  We don't want to feel hurt or angry.  So your nervous system is going to find ways to keep you from feeling that by creating thoughts like, "They did the best they could" and "it could be worse". 

Remember, your nervous system state is reflected in your story and thoughts.

So, "thank you nervous system" for protecting me from pain. 

Your system is so smart and cares so much for you.

The downside:

What I've noticed is the conversation usually stops with these statements.  Once you've said them, the feeling bad part gets repressed.  It doesn't get fully digested because somehow "they did the best they can" negates my emotional experience.

Unfortunately that isn't the whole story.  The whole story is :

"You are feeling bad AND they did the best they could and it could be worse."

What you feel matters! 

And if your emotional and body experience is not fully felt and expressed with a safe witness, those emotions are not going to go away.  The same emotional pattern will keep coming up until you complete it.

You know your patterns all too well.  In fact, you may have talked about them in therapy for years, fully aware of why and what triggers you.  And yet those same patterns haven't changed much.  You still FEEL set off over and over again.

What we know is these patterns are in your nervous system as stuck stress energy/trauma that's trying to complete.  Science tells us that those patterns can change.  So you certainly can change as well.  You can reshape your nervous system, feel in control of your emotions and move forward with your goals.

Sick of feeling stuck in the same emotional/health related patterns? 

Reply to this email and schedule a 1 on 1 consult for private Somatic Experiencing sessions.  Let's get you moving towards how you truly want to feel in your life and moving towards your goals.

Or, join a Somatic Movement Class this week to add regulation tools and healthy movement to your life.

With LOVE, Courage, and Regulation

Dorie

P.S.  Read last week’s blog post Why you feel you're not good enough