How Do I Know if I'm Overgiving vs Being Supportive

Dear Friend~

One of the most impactful themes of the last training I did with the Somatic Experiencing© Institute was having the “intention of support” when using self-touch or doing touch work on another person. And it was really powerful to actually go to the sensation of support. For example, does it FEEL supportive to massage and press hard on an area that feels tight or does it FEEL more supportive to place a hand there acknowledging the tightness? You would think that massaging it is the better choice, but I frequently notice that the supportive touch would actually support my body in relaxing way more than trying to break up the muscle tissue. Very interesting!

I find this idea of support incredibly helpful as I’m navigating the moment-to-moment choices of everyday life as well as when I’m digesting emotions AND supporting others in digesting their emotions.

Having the intention of support looks like this…

-not trying to change what’s happening in your body.

-acknowledging what's actually there. (sensations, images, behaviors, emotions)

-hanging out with it as it changes into something else

-and after the positive or unpleasant emotional experience is over being with what happens after that. Sometimes it’s the peace and ease of being present and regulated, other times, there is shame/guilt from fully feeling those feelings.

The outcome of support:

-Feeling seen and heard. This is very important for those of us with childhoods where love and attention from our caregivers were inconsistent, mixed with fear, uncertainty, or not there at all.

-Feeling supported by others increases our regulation (ie vagal tone) which will...

-Build resilience. Rather than coddling or fixing something unpleasant, which actually puts someone in a state of not dealing with their shit, supporting what's actually happening helps the nervous system to be resilient when future challenges arise. Leaning into unpleasant (and pleasant) emotions with support is key for a healthy resilient system. And this will

-Evoke a feeling of trust in your body, your abilities, and your relationships. Which results in

-Being a more effective support for the people in your life. Rather than feeling sucked dry by those around you, you can be supportive (because you did it with yourself) without feeling drained by over giving.

Your nervous system state affects your actions, your emotions, your beliefs, and your story.

This week, when you're making decisions: deciding what to eat, to rest or to be active, to call someone, I invite you to ask your body if what you're doing or thinking of doing feels supportive. And let me know how it goes.

Sick of feeling overly sensitive, drained, and stuck? Reply to this email and schedule a 1 on 1 consult for private Somatic Experiencing sessions.  Let's get you moving towards how you truly want to feel in your life and moving towards your goals.

Or, join a Somatic Movement Class this week to add regulation tools and healthy movement to your life.

With LOVE, Courage, and Regulation

Dorie

P.S. Read last week’s blog post What it takes to move through painful experiences and move on with your life