Growing Your Capacity for Joy

One really important part of the healing process that you don't typically hear about is having the capacity to feel good.  It can be really common to have a hard time hanging out in appreciation, joy, ease, calm, relaxation, etc.  It can almost feel unsafe or even threatening to the body. 

And that's so confusing.  You want to feel good but when you do, it's scary A.F.

It can feel like this.  Let's say you're having a nice quiet and connected moment with someone and then all of the sudden you feel like your heart is going to beat out of your chest, you start to sweat, and your belly cramps.  This is your nervous system going beyond its capacity to digest the good stuff. 

Or, you're relaxing on the couch and then all of the sudden you have urgent thoughts that you have to unload the dishwasher RIGHT NOW plus 10,000 things on your to-do list. (this happens a lot for people in meditation)

You want to feel good, but when you do, it doesn't feel safe in your body.

Friend, this makes so much sense. When your system relaxes a little bit, the stress-energy that's stuck inside now has room to come up. This is great because it means you can digest old stress energy that's making you anxious, depressed, or sick. The challenge is having enough regulation in your system to be able to digest the trauma in teeny tiny bits over time so that it doesn't re-traumatize your system. This is what I support clients in learning how to do.

The good news is you CAN build your capacity to feel good in your life.  I do this with a practice called Courting Joy

Here's one way to do it:
Notice something that your animal body enjoys in the moment

Look for:

• colors

• shapes

• textures

• sounds

• smells

• tastes

• sensations on your body

• something happening outside of you

• something happenings between you and another person or animal (a moment of connection or fun)

Once you find the thing that's enjoyable to you, notice the sensations and experiences of enjoyment in your body.  They might be subtle (like I feel more grounded or awake) or more obvious like my arms are tingling or my heart feels warm. At first, you might not notice much. But the cool thing is the more you get curious about your inner experiences, the more they will arise for you.

Make this a daily practice and see what happens.

Is it time for you to grow your capacity for joy, ease, rest, and pleasure?

There are a few open spaces in my schedule for 1 on 1 work
Contact me to set up your 30 min consult to chat about Somatic Therapy

Your Voice Is Welcome Here

Your voice is a PART of the sacred expression of who you are. Not just your words, but your sounds. We have all been repressed, unable to fully feel or share our truest emotions. It started in your family and is supported by our culture to not know how to express ourselves.

When we hold things in, it creates Trauma in our nervous systems.

If you struggle with:
-speaking up
-asking for what you want
-not knowing what you want or need
-feeling stuck in your life
-doing what others want to keep the peace even when you don't want to
-unable to hear your gut intuition
-going round and round analyzing things and still not able to know what your gut or heart wants

Then you have stuck stress energy.

I know, because I've been repressing myself forever. And my clients all have different versions of not being able to be angry, sad, or say what they think or feel. And now, they're coming to Somatic Therapy to find these repressed, ignored, and forgotten parts of us. These parts are yearning to be seen and heard and were left behind when we were young because it wasn't safe to express ourselves.

This is what makes us feel anxious and depressed.

Digesting these repressed emotions can come in the form of movement, visualization, and making sounds. It's done very gently and slowly. This expression, with an empathic witness (aka support), helps to move stuck stress or trauma in the body.

I'm remembering back to 7 years ago when I tried to do voice lessons with a teacher. I literally broke down in tears and couldn't stop crying for the majority of the session. I didn't have the capacity to handle the amount of stuck stress in my system let alone the grief of not being able to share myself fully for so long. After years of slowly working towards it, I can sing again and it feels really really good. I'm still crying at times and that is part of it. I'm slowly finding all the parts of myself through this somatic work.

Your expression may be different from mine but we are all meant to express ourselves and share our WHOLE selves with the world. That's what healing is, becoming more you.

Your emotions, expressions, and voice are all welcome here.
Is it time for you to find yours?

There are a few open spaces in my schedule for 1 on 1 work
Setup up a 30 min consult to chat about Somatic Therapy.

Love and the Nervous System

On this valentine's day week, let’s talk about LOVE

In my experience, love is something that you feel when you create a space with yourself and another that allows for hearts to open. In my intro workshops and with clients we talk a lot about the qualities necessary to create that space. Some of the qualities that we brainstorm are

Trust

Play

Listening

Communication

Truth

Curiosity

Openness

etc…

I'm sure you could add some juicy words to this list as well.

Feeling love and connection with another doesn't always happen, even with those that you're "supposed to love" in your life. That can leave us feeling really lonely in the world. If you felt a lot of disconnection when you were younger in your family, schools or community, that can create dysregulation in the nervous system which we are seeing shows up as anxiety, depression, feeling stuck and a slew of health problems in adults. Or perhaps you're experiencing disconnection in your life as an adult and its got you stuck anxious, depressed or feeling stuck.

This week there is a lot of media and advertising bombarding us around LOVE and Relationship. It can feel a little disheartening and like you're on the outside if you're single or if you don't have a love interest right now, or are heartbroken or grieving. Perhaps, you're not being social for some health reason or don't have loved ones you can connect with. I want you to know that I feel and see you. While it feels safer in some ways to isolate, it can also feel very very sad.

I remember long stretches of time when I was so depressed that I just couldn't bring myself to be in the world. Or seasons of grieving after my mom died when Valentine's day felt so so lonely. (my mom used to send me 3-5 valentine's day cards in the mail when she was alive).

Whatever you're going through, my heart sends tenderness to yours.

And, please know that you can begin wherever you are to turn these qualities of love that we all yearn for inwards. Towards yourself.

Hold up...I'm not talking about getting a massage, going to the spa or buying yourself new clothes, or eating a box of your favorite cookies. All of those things are just fine, but their value to how you feel will be short-lived.

I'm talking about real, lasting change in how you feel.

And it starts with attending to your somatic BodyHome with curiosity, interest, and listening. Oh hey, there are those LOVE practices again.

One of the most important and foundational skills I work on with clients is practicing these qualities of love inside your own BodyHome. Learning how to listen and sense your own body's experiences with curiosity is fundamental in shifting from dysregulation to regulation. When we're regulated, we feel safe, embodied, and connected to the present moment. Your mind and heart are more open and there is a connection to what's true for you from moment to moment.

Here's one simple way you can start practicing love inside you by getting curious about how your body feels.

Begin noticing how it feels to be connected to the ground and what your body is doing when you're in a simple everyday task like washing the dishes or taking a walk. Notice what your feet feel like as they take steps, feel what your arms and hands are doing as you're washing and rinsing each dish. As you're doing this you're not trying to fix or judge anything. Rather, you're having an experience of your body doing what its doing.

Our bodies and our minds need attention, this is how our nervous systems develop as a human. When we're little we need that from our primary caregivers and since most of us didn't get everything we needed, now we need it from ourselves.

Try it and let me know how it goes

And if you want to go deeper in shifting anxiety and stuckness into feeling more at ease and present with Somatic Therapy, click here to set up a 30 min consultation

With Love and Regulation~

Happy Self-Love Week

Dorie