Why Don't I Feel Super Excited About...

Dear friend~

I will preface this by saying that it’s never WRONG to feel what you feel. So, let’s get curious about what you actually feel rather than putting your experience in the good or bad category, shall we?

OK, now that’s out of the way, let’s unpack this idea together.

Excitement!
It may feel a bit weird if you’re not feeling super excited about something that’s coming up. Perhaps it’s a trip that you’re FINALLY going on, friends or family that you’re going to see for the first time in a few years. Or maybe it’s a change in your life, a new job, a new house, a first date, etc…

When you look at excitement through the lens of the nervous system it lands between the ventral and sympathetic states.

Remember our states: (there are also mixes of these states which we call blended states)

Ventral Vagal - relaxed and awake, present, embodied, fully here
Sympathetic - mobilized, annoyed, anxious, angry, rage-full
Dorsal - shutdown, dissociated

Excitement happens ideally when we’re present and here (ventral) with a little bit of sympathetic mixed in.

Excitement is a curious emotion because it can easily ramp us up into anxiety (high sympathetic charge) so there may be times where you feel excited and then all of the sudden you’re anxious and subsequently shut down or exhausted.

This can be very confusing because if you’re feeling excited about something positive in your life everything in your head is telling you to be excited. “This doesn’t make sense. I want to go on this trip. I haven’t been on a trip in 2 years. I need to get out of here and see new things, smell new smells, taste new tastes. Why do I feel anxious OR why do I feel nothing?”

First, this makes so much sense. Excitement is a big energy, so is going on a trip or doing something new. So, your nervous system (who’s job is to keep you alive and assess danger or safety) knows “hey, this big thing is something we haven’t done in a while.” So, it’s going to check in with your somatic memories and see if there’s anything that happened in the past that was new or exciting and see if that FELT safe or not for your nervous system in the past. If it felt safe, you may feel a little excitement now that’s anchored in the here and now. If the somatic memory is NOT SAFE, it will superimpose that experience onto the present one. It’s likely that you’re system will either rev up the excited/sympathetic charge (I feel anxious) and/or there may be a shut down (I feel nothing, I feel disconnected, or what’s the point of doing this thing).

Your nervous system is so freaking smart!

So, let’s take a moment to acknowledge the A+ job it’s doing on your behalf to keep you alive.

And understanding what’s happening in your nervous system and how to help it to feel safe is so important because it will help you stay on the road you want to be on (ie going on your trip) rather than feeling anxious, shutting you down, or freezing you in your tracks.

Your nervous system state affects your actions, your emotions, your beliefs, and your story.

You may want to re-read the above line…

So, if you’re feeling like your nervous system is controlling you rather than you being in control….its time for us to have a chat. Think about all that can change when you start to change your state daily.

Reply to this email and schedule a 1 on 1 consult for private Somatic Experiencing sessions.  Let's get you moving towards how you truly want to feel in your life and moving towards your goals.

Rather join a Somatic Movement Class this week to add regulation tools and healthy movement to your life.

With LOVE, Courage, and Regulation

Dorie

P.S. Read last week’s blog post A surprising practice for easing anxiety

A Surprising Practice for Easing Anxiety

Hello Friend~

My 2.5-year-old niece taught me a nervous system lesson the other day.

After swimming in the pool we grabbed a blow-up pool ball and started throwing it back and forth. She would throw it to me and I would either catch it and throw it back or bat it back. She’s just starting to get how to aim the ball at the person she’s throwing it to. So, each time she threw it and I caught it, she would squeal with delight. A few times the ball landed in the pool and we would talk about how the wind would need to blow it back to the side to grab it. She was laughing, I was giggling because her laugh is pure joy. After about 5 minutes of this game, the ball fell to the ground and as she was squatting down to pick it up she looked up and with a big smile on her face exclaimed, “This is so fun!” I looked right in her eyes and said, ‘This IS SO FUN!”

To the cognitive mind, these 5 minutes might mean nothing. A simple game of catch with a kid.

To the nervous system, this was a monumental moment. She FELT delighted and then expressed it to me. By doing that, we shared a moment of connection as we played and had fun.

And something happened for each of us at that moment. Our Ventral nerves turned on and toned by the enjoyment itself, the noticing of that enjoyment in our bodies and connecting with each other in that enjoyment. This is huge for her as a child because her ventral vagal nerve tone is still developing. AND, it’s huge for me as an adult with a trauma history, reshaping my nervous system.

Remember, the ventral vagal complex helps us to feel safe, awake, embodied and that we can do what we want to do. We are meant to live more in the state of ventral.

Turning on the ventral vagal nerve is step 1 in relieving anxiety and clearing stuck trauma.

I was so moved by my brilliant niece. She created a moment of connection when things feel fun is so rare. Play is a very important and healing experience of being a fully realized human and we are cultured out of it as we get older. We think of simple play or fun as childish or not important as other responsibilities become a priority. But adding moments of play or simple enjoyment into your life and feeling into what feels good in your body literally begins to reshape your nervous system. It tones the ventral vagal nerve, builds resilience, and will make space for stuck trauma to exit your body home.

How do you do you build ventral tone?

Here’s a place to start:
When something enjoyable is happening (could be something simple like you’re enjoying the colors of the leaves on a tree or the breeze feels nice on your skin) let your mind settle on what feels nice or enjoyable in your body at that moment. Let your body tell you and feel into it. As you do this you may have a memory or image come up in your mind. Let yourself see the image. Or, you may experience an emotion that’s associated with the sensation in your body. Let yourself feel that. Let your body have experiences and let yourself watch and feel them. As you experience this you may notice some signs that your body is regulating. It’s good to keep track of these signs so you know, “ok, my nervous system is moving more towards regulation.”

If this practice feels too activating for you, try noticing things that feel neutral in your body for a while, and then start noticing what you enjoy. Let your system work up to it.

Your nervous system learned patterns that have kept you alive. But those patterns aren’t working for you anymore and you’re ready for new ones. Let’s shift from feeling anxious into feeling easeful, grounded, and move more easily towards what you want.

It's time to reply to this email and schedule a 1 on 1 consult for private Somatic Experiencing sessions.  Let's get you moving towards how you truly want to feel in your life and moving towards your goals.

Rather join a Somatic Movement Class this week to add regulation tools and healthy movement to your life.

With LOVE, Courage, and Regulation

Dorie

P.S. Read last week’s blog post I was fine before the pandemic and now I’m anxious

I Was Fine Before the Pandemic and Now I'm Anxious!

Hello Friend

I ran into someone the other day that said, “I was fine before the pandemic but now I’m anxious!”.

If you’re resonating with that, I want you to know that makes so much sense and I’d like to share with you why and what you can do about it.

Viewing everything from the perspective of the nervous system (because it controls what you do and how you feel, described in last week’s blog, “why you can’t talk yourself out of feeling anxious“). Let’s take a look at how the pandemic has affected the nervous system.

I’m going to start with a simpler example. Let’s say you had parents or caregivers that were not supportive of you expressing your anger. Perhaps you got yelled at or punished in some way when you got angry and you learned how to clamp down that anger. The anger itself is energy that wanted to be expressed but it felt unsafe to express it so you had to shut it down or repress it. That anger gets stored in the body as “trauma” or stuck stress energy that never digested. And, of course, this doesn’t happen one time but many many times in the child’s life so there’s an accumulation of stress-energy. Eventually can create mental health issues, physical health issues, and of course different relational patterns of not being able to speak up when you need to which is a very important part of having safe and connected relationships.

You can think of the pandemic in a similar way. Your body wants to do something and that impulse was pushed down.

There’s an impulse to reach out to a friend to hang out or to be social or go to an event and you can’t so you have to push down that impulse/stress-energy because of shelter in place. And that impulse/shutdown response happened every day throughout the pandemic so a lot of stress-energy accumulated in your nervous system. Those unexpressed impulses will create anxiety!

AND on top of that, there are other effects of the pandemic that are adding to the stress and lack of safety in our nervous systems.

wearing masks - affects our ventral nerve’s ability to connect with others
not wearing masks - fear of covid/having autonomy over one’s own body and how we affect others
lack of physical touch - lack of sensory input to the nervous system can create more anxiety or shut down in the system
sense of uncertainty - what does the future hold? will we ever go back to normal? what can I rely on?

And so much more!

So…if you’re feeling more sensitive, reactive, sadness/grief, anger, irritation, or anxiety I just want you to know that it makes sense. Your nervous system is trying to protect you.

AND

Most importantly, you can shift these patterns and start to feel like you’re more in control of the way you feel. This is what my work is all about and I would be honored to walk side by side with you.

Want support to shift from feeling anxious into feeling easeful, grounded, and in control of how you feel??

It's time to reply to this email and schedule a 1 on 1 consult for private Somatic Experiencing sessions.  Let's get you moving towards how you truly want to feel in your life.

Rather join a Somatic Movement Class this week to add regulation tools and healthy movement to your life.

This Weeks Schedule

Monday 6-7 pm CST (Somatic Yoga)
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With LOVE, Courage, and Regulation

Dorie

P.S. Tried to talk your way out of feeling anxious and you’re not feeling less anxious? Read last week’s blog post, Why you can’t talk yourself out of feeling anxious.