A Surprising Practice for Easing Anxiety

Hello Friend~

My 2.5-year-old niece taught me a nervous system lesson the other day.

After swimming in the pool we grabbed a blow-up pool ball and started throwing it back and forth. She would throw it to me and I would either catch it and throw it back or bat it back. She’s just starting to get how to aim the ball at the person she’s throwing it to. So, each time she threw it and I caught it, she would squeal with delight. A few times the ball landed in the pool and we would talk about how the wind would need to blow it back to the side to grab it. She was laughing, I was giggling because her laugh is pure joy. After about 5 minutes of this game, the ball fell to the ground and as she was squatting down to pick it up she looked up and with a big smile on her face exclaimed, “This is so fun!” I looked right in her eyes and said, ‘This IS SO FUN!”

To the cognitive mind, these 5 minutes might mean nothing. A simple game of catch with a kid.

To the nervous system, this was a monumental moment. She FELT delighted and then expressed it to me. By doing that, we shared a moment of connection as we played and had fun.

And something happened for each of us at that moment. Our Ventral nerves turned on and toned by the enjoyment itself, the noticing of that enjoyment in our bodies and connecting with each other in that enjoyment. This is huge for her as a child because her ventral vagal nerve tone is still developing. AND, it’s huge for me as an adult with a trauma history, reshaping my nervous system.

Remember, the ventral vagal complex helps us to feel safe, awake, embodied and that we can do what we want to do. We are meant to live more in the state of ventral.

Turning on the ventral vagal nerve is step 1 in relieving anxiety and clearing stuck trauma.

I was so moved by my brilliant niece. She created a moment of connection when things feel fun is so rare. Play is a very important and healing experience of being a fully realized human and we are cultured out of it as we get older. We think of simple play or fun as childish or not important as other responsibilities become a priority. But adding moments of play or simple enjoyment into your life and feeling into what feels good in your body literally begins to reshape your nervous system. It tones the ventral vagal nerve, builds resilience, and will make space for stuck trauma to exit your body home.

How do you do you build ventral tone?

Here’s a place to start:
When something enjoyable is happening (could be something simple like you’re enjoying the colors of the leaves on a tree or the breeze feels nice on your skin) let your mind settle on what feels nice or enjoyable in your body at that moment. Let your body tell you and feel into it. As you do this you may have a memory or image come up in your mind. Let yourself see the image. Or, you may experience an emotion that’s associated with the sensation in your body. Let yourself feel that. Let your body have experiences and let yourself watch and feel them. As you experience this you may notice some signs that your body is regulating. It’s good to keep track of these signs so you know, “ok, my nervous system is moving more towards regulation.”

If this practice feels too activating for you, try noticing things that feel neutral in your body for a while, and then start noticing what you enjoy. Let your system work up to it.

Your nervous system learned patterns that have kept you alive. But those patterns aren’t working for you anymore and you’re ready for new ones. Let’s shift from feeling anxious into feeling easeful, grounded, and move more easily towards what you want.

It's time to reply to this email and schedule a 1 on 1 consult for private Somatic Experiencing sessions.  Let's get you moving towards how you truly want to feel in your life and moving towards your goals.

Rather join a Somatic Movement Class this week to add regulation tools and healthy movement to your life.

With LOVE, Courage, and Regulation

Dorie

P.S. Read last week’s blog post I was fine before the pandemic and now I’m anxious

I Was Fine Before the Pandemic and Now I'm Anxious!

Hello Friend

I ran into someone the other day that said, “I was fine before the pandemic but now I’m anxious!”.

If you’re resonating with that, I want you to know that makes so much sense and I’d like to share with you why and what you can do about it.

Viewing everything from the perspective of the nervous system (because it controls what you do and how you feel, described in last week’s blog, “why you can’t talk yourself out of feeling anxious“). Let’s take a look at how the pandemic has affected the nervous system.

I’m going to start with a simpler example. Let’s say you had parents or caregivers that were not supportive of you expressing your anger. Perhaps you got yelled at or punished in some way when you got angry and you learned how to clamp down that anger. The anger itself is energy that wanted to be expressed but it felt unsafe to express it so you had to shut it down or repress it. That anger gets stored in the body as “trauma” or stuck stress energy that never digested. And, of course, this doesn’t happen one time but many many times in the child’s life so there’s an accumulation of stress-energy. Eventually can create mental health issues, physical health issues, and of course different relational patterns of not being able to speak up when you need to which is a very important part of having safe and connected relationships.

You can think of the pandemic in a similar way. Your body wants to do something and that impulse was pushed down.

There’s an impulse to reach out to a friend to hang out or to be social or go to an event and you can’t so you have to push down that impulse/stress-energy because of shelter in place. And that impulse/shutdown response happened every day throughout the pandemic so a lot of stress-energy accumulated in your nervous system. Those unexpressed impulses will create anxiety!

AND on top of that, there are other effects of the pandemic that are adding to the stress and lack of safety in our nervous systems.

wearing masks - affects our ventral nerve’s ability to connect with others
not wearing masks - fear of covid/having autonomy over one’s own body and how we affect others
lack of physical touch - lack of sensory input to the nervous system can create more anxiety or shut down in the system
sense of uncertainty - what does the future hold? will we ever go back to normal? what can I rely on?

And so much more!

So…if you’re feeling more sensitive, reactive, sadness/grief, anger, irritation, or anxiety I just want you to know that it makes sense. Your nervous system is trying to protect you.

AND

Most importantly, you can shift these patterns and start to feel like you’re more in control of the way you feel. This is what my work is all about and I would be honored to walk side by side with you.

Want support to shift from feeling anxious into feeling easeful, grounded, and in control of how you feel??

It's time to reply to this email and schedule a 1 on 1 consult for private Somatic Experiencing sessions.  Let's get you moving towards how you truly want to feel in your life.

Rather join a Somatic Movement Class this week to add regulation tools and healthy movement to your life.

This Weeks Schedule

Monday 6-7 pm CST (Somatic Yoga)
Wednesday 9:30-10:30 am CST (Somatic Bowspring)
Friday 12-1 pm CST (Somatic Yoga)
Saturday 10-11:15 am CST (Somatic Yoga)

Recordings Available
Register here

With LOVE, Courage, and Regulation

Dorie

P.S. Tried to talk your way out of feeling anxious and you’re not feeling less anxious? Read last week’s blog post, Why you can’t talk yourself out of feeling anxious.

Why You Can't "Talk" Yourself Out of Feeling Anxious

Hello Friend

Have you ever found yourself anxious and tried to talk yourself out of emotion?  Or have you ever tried to let someone else talk you out of it? 

It seems like the right thing to do, there's a logical explanation for why I shouldn't feel anxious (or whatever you feel) right now. 

But...it doesn't matter what I say or what anyone else says, I still feel anxious. 

Talking doesn't work!

Why?

Check this out and get a little nerdy with me. 
This was so helpful for me to understand. 

Use the diagram below for reference

This is how you process information through your human system as you're having experiences. 

Stage 1:  Neuroception
Your body remembers everything!  Neuroception is an automatic response to a situation where your nervous system uses its lifetimes of somatic memories to see if the current experience is like any past unsafe experience it had. 

Stage 2:  Perception
Next, Perception is an automatic response to the current situation.  Is what I'm experiencing/perceiving around me feeling safe or like a threat?

Stage 3:  State
Stages 1-3 are happening in your Autonomic Nervous system  (the work of Steven Porges - Polyvagal Theory).  Your system will then turn on your ventral, sympathetic, or dorsal states based on what it detected in Stage 1 or 2.  Go to this blog to read more about the 3 states.  This is the Somatic part of your brain-body and it is the stage you can shift and change patterns.  This is where the magic happens!

Stage 4:  Emotion
Your state will evoke emotion, sadness, anger, irritation, frustration, empathy, joy. This happens in your emotional brain (amygdala)

Stage 5:  Behavior
That emotion will trigger a behavior.  Perhaps when you were growing up your feelings weren't acknowledged or there wasn't someone who could hold space for your feelings.  So, you learned to suppress your emotions, fear, uncertainty, anger, etc.  In order to get some comfort, because expressing your emotions wasn't safe, you break open a bag of chips.  Eating the chips is a behavior evoked by the emotion of anxiety.  It's also really smart of your system to use food to try to regulate.

Stage 6:  Story
That behavior evokes a story that happens in your cognitive brain.  For example, As you're coming down from the anxiety and eating the chips you may start to notice that a story is coming.  Thoughts of I'm bad because I was anxious.  The story might be I'm too sensitive, why can't I just be tougher and not feel so emotional. And, now I've eaten this whole bag of chips and feel shame because of that behavior.

Anxiety is happening because your nervous system feels unsafe from a past and/or present experience.  When you try to talk yourself into, "Don't be anxious"  you're talking to a part of your brain that's doesn't understand words.  The part of you that's turned on is detecting safety and danger and directing your state is your nervous system brain or somatic brain.  It has to be shown safety.  Words won't work.

You've got to work from the level of your Nervous system state to shift out of anxiety.

So, the next time you or someone else tries to talk you out of feeling something, remember to check in with your state and use your regulation resources to help to show, not tell your nervous system that you're safe.  When you change your state,  you will change how you feel, act, and your story.

Your system learned these old patterns and it can certainly learn new ones. Want support to shift from feeling anxious into feeling easeful, grounded, and move more easily towards what you want in your life?

It's time to reply to this email and schedule a 1 on 1 consult for private Somatic Experiencing sessions.  Let's get you moving towards how you truly want to feel in your life.

Rather join a Somatic Movement Class this week to add regulation tools and healthy movement to your life.

Weekly Schedule
Mondays 6-7 pm CST (Somatic Yoga)
Wednesdays 9:30-10:30 am CST (Somatic Bowspring)
Fridays 12-1 pm CST (Somatic Yoga)
Saturdays 10-11:15 am CST (Somatic Yoga)

Recordings Available
Register here

With LOVE, Courage, and Regulation

Dorie

P.S. Feeling stuck and can’t move forward with your goals? Read last week’s blog post Why can’t I do what’s good for me?