Why You Feel You're Not Good Enough

This week I had some kind of horrible flu/cold (COVID test was negative) that took me down. It was the kind of sickness that forces you to stop and really rest. That’s all I could do.

Inside those couple of days where I stopped everything, that’s when I started to notice self-deprecating thoughts. You know, the voice that tells you you’re a piece of shit for not doing anything. The one that makes you feel even worse about yourself than the actual sickness. We’re so conditioned that being busy, productive, and proactive equals being a good person. You KNOW in your head that’s not true, but the thoughts are so ingrained and it definitely affects our bodies.

It’s so much pressure!!!

It’s so much pressure any time but especially when your body is trying to fight a nasty cold/flu.

So many of us were taught growing up that your value was based on what you accomplished in a day or if you did things well well. You may have received that message directly or indirectly. You had to get it right, do it perfectly, or do a lot in order to receive love.

Reminds me of this quote…

You’re not a human doing, You’re a human BEING.

Having to do more or be good at everything is very stressful for your nervous system. The pressure of perfection and productivity to prove your value takes away from you actually knowing yourself beyond what you accomplish. The truth is…

What you FEEL matters

And if you’re struggling with feeling anxious, overwhelmed, stuck, and having a hard time moving towards your goals, your beingness is trying to get your attention. Your beingness (ie nervous systems) is wanting the attentiveness it didn’t get from your caregivers. Attention not on what you do but on who you are.

This is a big part of doing somatic work because your nervous system patterns develop from how our caregivers showed us love and attention.

When you clear the anger, anxiety, and shame around not being good enough (because you don’t measure up to the productivity and progress goals you’ve created) you will be able to take action on your goals, feel creative, open, and available for connection with others in a fulfilling way.

Ready to reshape these patterns?

Reply to this email and schedule a 1 on 1 consult for private Somatic Experiencing sessions.  Let's get you moving towards how you truly want to feel in your life and moving towards your goals.

Or, join a Somatic Movement Class this week to add regulation tools and healthy movement to your life.

Recordings Available (send me an email)

With LOVE, Courage, and Regulation

Dorie

P.S. Read the last blog post How do I know if I’m over-giving vs being supportive?

How Do I Know if I'm Overgiving vs Being Supportive

Dear Friend~

One of the most impactful themes of the last training I did with the Somatic Experiencing© Institute was having the “intention of support” when using self-touch or doing touch work on another person. And it was really powerful to actually go to the sensation of support. For example, does it FEEL supportive to massage and press hard on an area that feels tight or does it FEEL more supportive to place a hand there acknowledging the tightness? You would think that massaging it is the better choice, but I frequently notice that the supportive touch would actually support my body in relaxing way more than trying to break up the muscle tissue. Very interesting!

I find this idea of support incredibly helpful as I’m navigating the moment-to-moment choices of everyday life as well as when I’m digesting emotions AND supporting others in digesting their emotions.

Having the intention of support looks like this…

-not trying to change what’s happening in your body.

-acknowledging what's actually there. (sensations, images, behaviors, emotions)

-hanging out with it as it changes into something else

-and after the positive or unpleasant emotional experience is over being with what happens after that. Sometimes it’s the peace and ease of being present and regulated, other times, there is shame/guilt from fully feeling those feelings.

The outcome of support:

-Feeling seen and heard. This is very important for those of us with childhoods where love and attention from our caregivers were inconsistent, mixed with fear, uncertainty, or not there at all.

-Feeling supported by others increases our regulation (ie vagal tone) which will...

-Build resilience. Rather than coddling or fixing something unpleasant, which actually puts someone in a state of not dealing with their shit, supporting what's actually happening helps the nervous system to be resilient when future challenges arise. Leaning into unpleasant (and pleasant) emotions with support is key for a healthy resilient system. And this will

-Evoke a feeling of trust in your body, your abilities, and your relationships. Which results in

-Being a more effective support for the people in your life. Rather than feeling sucked dry by those around you, you can be supportive (because you did it with yourself) without feeling drained by over giving.

Your nervous system state affects your actions, your emotions, your beliefs, and your story.

This week, when you're making decisions: deciding what to eat, to rest or to be active, to call someone, I invite you to ask your body if what you're doing or thinking of doing feels supportive. And let me know how it goes.

Sick of feeling overly sensitive, drained, and stuck? Reply to this email and schedule a 1 on 1 consult for private Somatic Experiencing sessions.  Let's get you moving towards how you truly want to feel in your life and moving towards your goals.

Or, join a Somatic Movement Class this week to add regulation tools and healthy movement to your life.

With LOVE, Courage, and Regulation

Dorie

P.S. Read last week’s blog post What it takes to move through painful experiences and move on with your life

Why Endings are so Hard

Dear Friend~

Today, I'm finishing off the Somatic Experiencing© training. 

Endings always bring about a mix of emotions for me.  My guess is that endings are not easy for you either.  In general, we are a culture that very much favors beginnings and creating something new.  Looking forward to big events, birthdays, weddings, celebrations, the start of school, planning for dates with friends, shows to go to, starting a new business or project. 

Endings are a bit harder as they bring on more painful or challenging emotions.  The end of a show series, the end of the day, the end of school, the end of a relationship, the death of a loved one. And we have lost so much over the last year with the pandemic as well as the anniversary of 9/11 and all of the unrest and injustices that are coming to the fore.

In my yoga philosophy studies, I learned that everything exists in cycles, there’s a beginning (creation), the event happening (maintenance) and then the ending (dissolution) which brings upon yet another beginning, and the cycle starts again.

And yet, even with this intellectual framework for endings, we tend to shy away from more challenging emotions because they are painful.  This happens on an unconscious and a nervous system level.  We will do other things to avoid feeling sadness, anger, rage, grief when they arise.  On top of that, feeling these emotions is very commonly tied to shame and guilt because of our perpetual pushing down and pushing away of them when they arise.

The problem is that these emotions, when unfelt, do lead to immense suffering.  I know this to be true not just from my training, but from my own life experience.  Depression and anxiety have been my primary emotional states for decades as well as chronic reproductive health issues.  Why?  Because I didn't have the support I needed to feel these emotions from other people AND I didn't have the capacity in my own nervous system to feel them.  Both are needed to move painful emotions to completion and come back to a state of regulation and wellbeing. 

Capacity and Support

And with capacity and support that feels safe, you can feel the full spectrum of emotion which will help you to feel fully alive, fully connected to others, and reclaim your life energy. And that, my friend, is your birthright.

If you are resonating with these words and know that sadness, pain from the past, and grief are holding you back, please reach out for support. Connect with me here to schdule a 1 on 1 complimentary consult.

Rather join a Somatic Movement Class this week to add regulation tools and healthy movement to your life.

With LOVE, Courage, and Regulation

Dorie

P.S. Read last week’s blog postIs it wrong that I don't feel super excited about...