What Reshaping Your Nervous System Feels Like

I'm sitting at a café working on my business.  I'm writing copy for my new website and thinking about how long it has taken me to just sit down and do it.  I will tell you, it's been years. Typically I wait until the last minute or just don't do it.

I cannot tell you how much I procrastinate stepping towards things that are good for me by doing other things, really ANYTHING but sitting down and focusing on it.  Cooking, cleaning, calling a friend, binge-watching shows, eating desserts or too much food, etc...  Can you relate?

And yet, today, I finished my client work, packed my bag, and got out of the house to focus on this.

That is brand new!

Being consistent with things that are scary is sooooo hard for me and for my clients.  And I know that it has everything to do with the patterns in my nervous system.

What I've noticed as I continue to do this work for my clients and for myself is 

Shifting patterns IS possible.

While everyone's process is different, and you go back and forth between steps, this is the general way it looks.

In the beginning, you develop skills that help your nervous system feel at ease again.  You learn how to track and regulate your nervous system.  As you notice little ways to feel at ease, you'll move from anxious, reactive, and stuck into feeling present and relaxed.  You'll start to create a new way of relating to yourself that feels good.  This part takes work because you're developing new ways of paying attention to your BodyHome and taking care of yourself.

As you regulate and feel more at ease you'll notice old feelings causing the stuckness you feel will begin to surface.  With the support of a practitioner, you will learn how to surf these feelings through little bit at a time.  You'll notice yourself feeling at ease and present more often.  And if you tend to feel uncomfortable when you're still or at ease, that will diminish.  Don't worry, you can still get shit done when you're regulated. It's a lot easier and you won't feel as exhausted at the end of the day.

Over time,  you'll start to feel like you have choices in how you want to move forward.  You won't feel as though your nervous system is controlling you by keeping you stuck.  Whether it's moving towards something you want to do or getting triggered with old intense emotions, you'll feel that you have control and you have choices on your next steps.  You know you can do the old pattern but you feel like you could choose the new one.  And eventually, you do.  So, stuffing your face with cookies would be a choice rather than a compulsion.

Ready to get unstuck? 

Reply to this email and schedule a 1 on 1 consult for private Somatic Experiencing sessions.  Let's get you moving towards how you truly want to feel in your life and moving towards your goals.

Or, join a Somatic Movement Class this week to add regulation tools and healthy movement to your life.

This week's schedule:

Monday 6-7pm CST Somatic yoga
Wednesday 9:30-10:30 am CST Somatic Bowspring
Friday 12-1pm CST Somatic Yoga
Saturday 10-11:15am CST Somatic Yoga

With LOVE, Courage, and Regulation

Dorie

P.S.  Read last week’s blog post They did the best they could and it could be worse

They Did the Best They Could and It Could Be Worse

When you're struggling with anger, frustration, hurt, grief, anxiety, etc and you're digging into the feeling of it, it’s common to think or say "they did the best they could" (if you're talking about someone else who hurt you) or "it could be worse"

(as you imagine someone else struggling in this world).  While these statements are true,  they did the best they could AND it can always be worse,  i’s important to recognize the benefit and the downside of focusing your attention here.

The Benefit:

Both of those sentiments are a way that your nervous system protects you from feeling bad.  We don't want to feel hard emotions.  We don't want to feel hurt or angry.  So your nervous system is going to find ways to keep you from feeling that by creating thoughts like, "They did the best they could" and "it could be worse". 

Remember, your nervous system state is reflected in your story and thoughts.

So, "thank you nervous system" for protecting me from pain. 

Your system is so smart and cares so much for you.

The downside:

What I've noticed is the conversation usually stops with these statements.  Once you've said them, the feeling bad part gets repressed.  It doesn't get fully digested because somehow "they did the best they can" negates my emotional experience.

Unfortunately that isn't the whole story.  The whole story is :

"You are feeling bad AND they did the best they could and it could be worse."

What you feel matters! 

And if your emotional and body experience is not fully felt and expressed with a safe witness, those emotions are not going to go away.  The same emotional pattern will keep coming up until you complete it.

You know your patterns all too well.  In fact, you may have talked about them in therapy for years, fully aware of why and what triggers you.  And yet those same patterns haven't changed much.  You still FEEL set off over and over again.

What we know is these patterns are in your nervous system as stuck stress energy/trauma that's trying to complete.  Science tells us that those patterns can change.  So you certainly can change as well.  You can reshape your nervous system, feel in control of your emotions and move forward with your goals.

Sick of feeling stuck in the same emotional/health related patterns? 

Reply to this email and schedule a 1 on 1 consult for private Somatic Experiencing sessions.  Let's get you moving towards how you truly want to feel in your life and moving towards your goals.

Or, join a Somatic Movement Class this week to add regulation tools and healthy movement to your life.

With LOVE, Courage, and Regulation

Dorie

P.S.  Read last week’s blog post Why you feel you're not good enough

Why You Feel You're Not Good Enough

This week I had some kind of horrible flu/cold (COVID test was negative) that took me down. It was the kind of sickness that forces you to stop and really rest. That’s all I could do.

Inside those couple of days where I stopped everything, that’s when I started to notice self-deprecating thoughts. You know, the voice that tells you you’re a piece of shit for not doing anything. The one that makes you feel even worse about yourself than the actual sickness. We’re so conditioned that being busy, productive, and proactive equals being a good person. You KNOW in your head that’s not true, but the thoughts are so ingrained and it definitely affects our bodies.

It’s so much pressure!!!

It’s so much pressure any time but especially when your body is trying to fight a nasty cold/flu.

So many of us were taught growing up that your value was based on what you accomplished in a day or if you did things well well. You may have received that message directly or indirectly. You had to get it right, do it perfectly, or do a lot in order to receive love.

Reminds me of this quote…

You’re not a human doing, You’re a human BEING.

Having to do more or be good at everything is very stressful for your nervous system. The pressure of perfection and productivity to prove your value takes away from you actually knowing yourself beyond what you accomplish. The truth is…

What you FEEL matters

And if you’re struggling with feeling anxious, overwhelmed, stuck, and having a hard time moving towards your goals, your beingness is trying to get your attention. Your beingness (ie nervous systems) is wanting the attentiveness it didn’t get from your caregivers. Attention not on what you do but on who you are.

This is a big part of doing somatic work because your nervous system patterns develop from how our caregivers showed us love and attention.

When you clear the anger, anxiety, and shame around not being good enough (because you don’t measure up to the productivity and progress goals you’ve created) you will be able to take action on your goals, feel creative, open, and available for connection with others in a fulfilling way.

Ready to reshape these patterns?

Reply to this email and schedule a 1 on 1 consult for private Somatic Experiencing sessions.  Let's get you moving towards how you truly want to feel in your life and moving towards your goals.

Or, join a Somatic Movement Class this week to add regulation tools and healthy movement to your life.

Recordings Available (send me an email)

With LOVE, Courage, and Regulation

Dorie

P.S. Read the last blog post How do I know if I’m over-giving vs being supportive?